Patti Turner

Writer. Nurse.

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The Mood Scale: How Happy Are You?

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Happiness ScaleHow happy are you? When was the last time you thought about it?

People drift through life, going with the flow, doing what has to be done, with no direction on where they want their lives to go or how they feel about it. We’re so busy with work and family obligations we forget to slow down and live in the moment. How many of us suddenly realize time has passed, with too little time left, leaving our hopes and dreams a distant memory? It’s time to get out of the rut and start living again. So I’m asking…

How happy are you?

What if a question could change your life? What if this question could change your life? It can. It changed mine. So I’m asking you to think about it. Take a few minutes to examine your overall happiness, contentment, and joie de vivre (or lack thereof).

Participate in the poll.

Please participate in the poll. Thinking about your happiness level and clicking the corresponding button is the first step on the road back to a new way of living your life- with joy.

Becoming your happiest self…

Check back for the results of the poll and discussion on becoming your happiest self. Better yet, SUBSCRIBE (upper right corner of every page) to receive email notifications of new posts.

Being happy makes me want to sing!

But I’ll spare you that and offer this instead:

 

 

 

NaNoWriMo Winner

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NaNoWriMo (National Novel Writing Month) 2016 is over and I’m a winner.

NaNoWriMo is an annual novel writing challenge. To win, you must write 50,000 words of a novel in the 30 days of November (from scratch). That’s 1,667 words per day on average, if you can write every day. If you can’t get to it each day because of other obligations (job, family, etc.) you have to write ahead or try to catch up.

What do you win?

Nothing.

After validating your final word count of 50,000 or more words, you can print out your official winner’s certificate.

NaNoWriMo Winner

 

 

 

 

 

 

And you get the right to wear the NaNoWriMo 2016 winner shirt.

NaNoWriMo

 

 

 

 

 

 

Big deal, right? Hell yeah. It’s a huge deal.

It’s not about “winning”.

It’s about being a winner. It’s about setting a (lofty) goal, making a plan and a making a promise to yourself. It’s about the sense of accomplishment you feel when you achieve your goal. It’s about checking an item off your bucket list. It’s about feeling good when you complete a project.

It means setting priorities and sticking with your plan. It means pushing yourself beyond your comfort zone. It means digging deep to write on when you want to quit. It means learning how to say no when family and friends try to tempt you away from your dream with promises of instant gratification. It means learning to be strong. It means learning to fight the guilt of putting yourself first.

It’s finding out who you are and what you are made of.

But what do you win?

You win the right to say “I did it”. You win the knowledge that you are stronger than you thought and capable of more than you imagined. You win pride in yourself and your ability to accomplish what felt like the impossible.

You win.

And you wrote a novel.

To my fellow participants…

Congratulations! Thank you for your support, encouragement, and virtual companionship. I couldn’t have done it alone. We’re winners!

 

 

Mourning the Loss of My Best Friend

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Mourning the loss of my best friendToday I am mourning the loss of my best friend. She died nine years ago. I spent the day looking at old photos and reliving our time together. In between, I cried, as I do every year on September 23rd.

We shared 31 of the most important years of our lives. It isn’t the length of time we had that I mourn, but the timing of those years. I met her when we were almost 19 years old, and lost her when we were 50.

She’s the only one who knew me before – before husbands, kids, divorces, remarriages, and a host of other life events. We were the…

Keepers of the secrets.

Best friends share confidences not fit for outside ears. They trust each other with those secrets for eternity. I still keep her secrets. But there is nobody left on Earth who knows mine. They died with her.

We shared the time in our lives when we were dating, looking for love, finding love, getting our hearts broken, finding love again, and finally marrying. We whispered about marriage and relationships. We shared recipes and tips on being a housewife, and plotted careers. We supported each other during pregnancy, motherhood, and parenting. Later, we chatted about failed marriages, getting back out there, finding love again, second marriages, blended families, and our adult children. In between, we confided our secrets. Ultimately, we spent time together while she battled ovarian cancer and I spent long days with her in her final stage at a hospice.

She’s gone. When she died, part of my heart died with her.

But I was just the friend.

In death, the friend is nobody. There are protocols for wakes, funerals, a repast (repass), receiving lines, paying respects, etc. When you’re just the friend, there is nobody there for you. We are all there for the family. The friend grieves silently and alone. Today, on this ninth anniversay of my loss, I am breaking the silence.

I am mourning the loss of my best friend.

It sucks. It hurts. I’m in mourning. I’m crying as I write this. I miss her every single day. I can’t “get over it”. I don’t want to forget. She was important to me, an important part of my life, and I still want to talk about her. She’s still in my heart and my head and that will never, ever, change.

We should be continuing our conversations. We both have grandchildren now, but I will never be able to live and share this wonderful part of life with you.

What I would tell her if I could.

Your daughters have grown to be awesome women. You have beautiful grandchildren you never had a chance to meet. Life has moved on, but you are still in the hearts of everybody who knew you. You were loved. You are still loved.

To my friends and family…

I love you all. Not more or less than this friend, just differently. We share a relationship, role, or time in our lives that is different from the time I write about here. In no way are you less important to me.

To everybody…

Love, not hate. Tell your friends and family how you feel in the here and now. Don’t wait until you can’t.

Live life, don’t exist. If you hate what you’re doing, stop. If you’re not with the right person, leave. If you aren’t doing what makes you happy, start now. Because life truly is too short to wait.

In Memoriam

DebbieRest in peace, my friend. Don’t forget we have a date in the future at the big tea shop in the sky. We have a lot of catching up to do!

Debbie
May 18, 1957 – September 23 ,2007.

 

Things That Go Bump in the Night

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Last week I experienced the curious incident of the bump in the night. I wish I could recount what happened, but I don’t remember. Loss of consciousness is a term I’ve encountered many times as a nurse. It always puzzled me – why couldn’t the patients remember what occurred, at least before and after? When it happened to me I felt foolish. I couldn’t (and still can’t) remember what happened before, during, or after the incident.

But it got me thinking about things that go bump in the night.

Things That Go Bump in the Night
(Traditional Scottish Prayer)

Things that go bump in the night

From ghoulies and ghosties
And long-leggedy beasties
And things that go bump in the night,
Good Lord, deliver us!

Creatures that go bump in the night (at my house)

My cats. Don’t be fooled by the sleepy daytime look. These cats are terrors at night. Spiders. I think they qualify as “long-leggedy beasties” and the cause of a full-blown panic attack. If it was a spider bumping me in the night, I’m glad I don’t remember.

My cats

spiders

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

People I wish would bump me in the night

Jon Snow (Kit Harrington) and Johnny Depp – bump into me any time, day or night!

Kit Harringtonjohnny depp

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Things I find in a patient’s bed that make my heart bump with fear

Is that a snake? Nope, somebody left behind a hair extension.

hair extension

The real bump in the night (at my house)

Me. I’m not sure how I got from sleeping in my bed to collapsed on the floor on the other side of my home, but something happened.

stiches

I’d like to think I bumped into Kit Harrington or Johnny Depp, or tripped over the cat, saw a spider or a hair extension. There must be some plausible explanation why I would crack my head and pass out (or pass out and crack my head) three days before my son’s wedding. Thank goodness for airbrush makeup to cover my bandage. And with that, I was transformed to a queen on her throne, ready to bump into Jon Snow.

queen2

 

A Mindful Walk Before Writing

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Mindful

 

Mind Full or Mindful?

Is your mind full, or are you mindful? Do you know the difference?

Yesterday I made a plan to complete a work in progress over the next 13 weeks. I’m using the Self Journal to help me with the planning, complete with a contract to myself for getting the job done.

I grabbed my laptop, ready to start. Nothing came to me. I couldn’t concentrate. I paced around like a caged animal. I had a plan and an outline. Why couldn’t I type even one sentence?

My mind was racing with jumbled thoughts, flight of ideas, and excuses to do something else rather than write. My mind was full, but I wasn’t mindful. I wasn’t engaged in what I was trying to do. I decided to go for a walk to clear my head of the cobwebs.

A Mindful Walk

Years ago I read a few books by Jon Kabat-Zinn. I learned from reading his work to be mindful of each moment I am living, giving full attention to the present. Being instead of doing. For it is true, we shall never get moments back, we spend them and they’re gone. It doesn’t matter where you are, because wherever you go, there you are. You can’t run away from yourselves. We don’t know how many moments we have left in life – we might as well live them fully, present, and engaged.

So out I went for a walk around the property. I’ve done this before, but this time I was paying attention. Mindful. Come walk with me.

I never knew there was a stream.

Minful

Or a blanket of yellow flowers in the woods.

yellow flowers

I never noticed the flowering shrubs and trees.

spring trees

Spring had sprung! I didn’t notice it happen.

pretty tree

No that’s not Cousin It – it’s me – a bug fell out of a tree into my hair. A spider, I’m sure! Shaking it out.

a bug in my hair

The fountains are running again! And the ducks and geese are back!

fountain

A pretty gazebo – a nice place to rest, meditate, or watch the fountains and birds.

gaxzebo

A rainbow in the water!

rainbow

The cover is off the pool and the filter pumps are running – summer is around the corner!

pool

The tennis court is ready.

tennis

And back home to my condo.

home

It is amazing what you see when you take the time to look. After my mindful walk, my head was clear, my step lighter, and my muse back. It just took a little time out to stop and smell the roses. When you do, you will see the world is a beautiful place.

Oh, and I got in my 10k steps for the day.

Pitching a Novel

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I’ll just whip out a few sentences on the fly, I thought. How hard could that be after writing a novel?

Harder than Writing a Whole Book

Pitching a novel to literary agents is harder than writing a whole book.

Pitch Slam #3

Pitch Slam #3

A month ago I attended the Writer’s Digest Annual Conference in New York City.  Inspired by the hundreds (thousands?) of writers, agents, editors, authors, and speakers in attendance, I was energized and ready to pitch my novel to agents at the pitch slam session on Saturday. No problem, I thought,  I wrote a whole book, how hard could it be to write a few sentences about it? Instead, I used the time to research the agents attending, rank them in order of priority for pitching, and study the floor plans and seating charts. I left the pitch writing to the evening before the big session. No big deal.

Oh yes, it was a big deal.  Those few sentences are harder to write than a whole novel.

Those few sentences are harder to write than a whole novel.

There is a reason there are entire books devoted to the pitch or query (written form of submission) and I was about to find out why.

All I needed to do was write my pitch – in this case, a 90 second spiel describing my novel, and an even shorter “elevator pitch“. In that time I have to convey the title, genre, word count, manuscript status, protagonist and wants or desires, plot, inciting incident, and a hook big enough to reel in every agent in the room. And then I had to practice it out loud with a timer because the pitch slam is like speed dating. The writer has 90 seconds to pitch and the agent has 90 seconds to ask questions, ask for your manuscript (or part of it), or say thanks but no thanks. Then the bell rings and you’re off to the next agent.

I agonized over it all evening, and had agida all morning until my pitch session in the afternoon. How do you distill 90,000 words to a 90 second blurb? Impossible!  I mentally berated myself for waiting until the last minute. Yet somehow I managed to get the gist of it. The words were memorized but fled my brain the minute I tried to speak them. I was tempted to skip the pitch slam, but figured if I went ahead at least I’d know what to expect next year.

So I pitched my novel.  I’m not even sure what I said. The first four agents asked for more (synopsis, first 50 pages, etc.).  The fifth agent declined, and I was happy, thinking it validated the four yeses.  And that pitch?  When I looked it over at home I thought it was terrible.  It took me all of August to fix it and be ready for querying or the next pitch session.

But wait – a synopsis? Another distillation of my novel?  There are whole books written about outlining and synopsis.

It’s a good thing the offers from the agents are good for one year from the conference.  It will take me that long to finish the synopsis.

You can read the pitch here.

Allora, Isabella

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My novel, ALLORA, ISABELLA, is a complete work of contemporary women’s fiction with a romantic slant at 90,000 words.

Isabella Caliente is a spirited young woman confined by the social conventions of her small-town Italian-American community. She is deceived by her husband, stifled by her mother, oppressed by her religion, and plagued by a priest with a secret. Isabella is about to give birth to twins when an accident leaves her husband in a vegetative state and his pregnant mistress brain dead. She agrees to pass off his bastard son as a surprise triplet.  Struggling to care for three children and a husband she hates, romance is the last thing on her mind.

When a Harley-riding rascal called Blood catches her eye, Isabella’s life takes a wild turn. She has to confront her religious beliefs, her dying husband, and her feelings for someone her priest and her mother do not approve of.

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10 Steps to a Writer State of Mind

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Schedule

In order to write, you need to be in the right/write state of mind.  Here are ten steps to help you get in the groove.

1.  Schedule writing time.  That’s right, add it to your calendar just as you would any other obligation. Set the time and stick to it.  Avoid distractions and let your friends and family know you are not available during this time.  Switch your phone to silent and disconnect from the internet. Feed the pets, let the dog out, and don’t answer the door.  You’re not home, you are at work now.

2.  Put on your writing clothes. Yes, you need an outfit to get you in work mode. If you sit around in your bathrobe, you will likely take a nap rather than write.  When I go to my day job as a labor and delivery nurse, I put on scrubs, add my name tag clearly stating “RN”, break out my stethoscope and don the clogs.  Wearing my uniform immediately puts me into nurse mode. Likewise, dressing for your job as a writer will help you assume the role.

3.  Make the coffee. Make a lot of coffee.  This is an essential writing drink to keep you awake when nap time calls you. Pick a mug for your drink that matches your mood or the mood for your writing session.

4.  Clean up your desk!  You can’t work amidst a mess. Tidy up your writing space so it is only a writing space, not a clutter of mail and magazines, dirty dishes, and piles of scratch paper.

5.  Check your email so you won’t be tempted to stop writing to check.  Pay your bills.  Take care of appointments.  Schedule your dental checkup.  Do everything now that you might use as an excuse to leave the page later.

6.  Check your social media accounts now to catch up on what’s happening, removing temptation for later.  Make a global post:  writer at work – do not disturb.

7.   Make a music playlist for your writing.  Pick music that either puts you in the mood, or matches the mood of your chapter.  Romantic music to write that scene? Angst music to get through the breakup dialogue? There is music to match every emotion.  Find yours and make a great playlist.

8.  Have your research done beforehand and notes ready to go.  There will be no checking the internet for anything during your writing time.  Plan ahead!

9.  Go for a walk to clear your head. Revel in nature. Feel the sun on your face or the raindrops on your head.  Sweep the cobwebs from your brain and get ready to call on your creativity.

10.  Write!  Show up at the keyboard, on time, dressed for work, coffee in hand.  How do you get to Carnegie Hall?  Practice, practice, practice.  Show up at the keyboard.  How do you become a better writer?  Write, write, write, and write some more.

What is success?

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While pondering life, love, the universe, and the meaning of life, it led me to wonder how one can measure whether their life is lived with success.  Achieve great things? Drive the Curiosity on Mars?  Make a new discovery? Accumulate wealth?  Devote oneself to charity or religion?  Since I’d already decided failure is not an option, I felt the need to define success.

How do you define success and the meaning in life?

While perusing some old books on my shelf, I happened upon this passage by Ralph Waldo Emerson:

What is success?
To laugh often and much;
To win the respect of intelligent people and the affections of children;
To earn the appreciation of honest critics and endure the betrayal of false friends;
To appreciate beauty;
To find the best in others;
To leave the world a bit better, whether by a healthy child, a garden patch or a redeemed social condition;
To know even one life has breathed easier because you have lived;
That is to have succeeded.

A beautiful definition, so simple in theory, yet so difficult to achieve.

In my job as a nurse, I get the opportunity to make a person’s life easier every day.  To make a difference, give them a positive experience in scary circumstances, and end my shift knowing that person breathed easier because I lived.  That’s a tall order.  It’s hard to keep your game face on every day when you’re overworked, tired, haven’t eaten, or feel stress from home.  But every time I walk into a patient’s room, I know I have the power to make a difference.  I must succeed.  Failure is not an option.  If I can’t accomplish this, then I will have failed my patient, the patient’s family, and myself.

Another item I’m working on is appreciating beauty.  My view from the hilltop is spectacular.  Each day brings a display of light over the mountain view unlike any day before it. I’ve learned to sit and watch the changing perspectives, solely for the sake of appreciating the beauty around me.

The rest:  working on it.

 

 

Failure is not an option.

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Failure is not an option. Period.  End of story.

So often, I hear people say “I can’t”.  You can’t, or you won’t try? Yes you can. “Just do it” (Thank you, Nike).  You can and you will.

A positive attitude will take you where you want to go.  Can’t achieve your goal in an instant, all at once, or in a short time frame?  Measure your progress in degrees of success. A small step forward is still progress toward your goals. Don’t sell yourself short.  You have more gumption than you know.

What keeps you going in the face of adversity?

Keeping a positive attitude keeps me on track. There is always that small voice in the background saying “you can’t, you’re not good enough”.  It takes a lot to beat the voice down.  I need to be reminded often that “failure is not an option”.  How?  I wear this necklace at all times.  Okay, I did take it off for my son’s and my daughter’s wedding to wear a more formal piece.  Otherwise, I never take it off.  Each day I wake up and look in the mirror, I am reminded that I can do it. Failure is not an option.

Failure is not an optionJust do it!

 

 

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